刚开始就拿大家都认识的憨豆先生开刀吧。憨豆先生虽然大家都认识,但是他的扮演者Rowan Atkinson的名字却很少为英国人意外的人所知。而且虽然憨豆先生世界著名,却不能算是他喜剧生涯的巅峰之作。他在七十年代参与撰写和表演的电视小品节目Not the Nine O’clock News红极一时。而后来在八十年代他跟Richard Curtis合力创作的中世纪情景喜剧黑骑士(Blackadder),一直到今天都被认为是英国喜剧史上的经典之作。

今天给大家介绍的是Rowan Atkinson在大学毕业后不久自己创作,并由Angus Deayton做配角,两个人在各地巡回演出的一套喜剧小品中的一段。剩下的段子会在以后陆续的带给各位。

对白是由我听写出来的,翻译也是我自己做的,所以有错误的地方希望有高人指正。

 


School~School~School~School~School~

Headmaster: So now Mr. Perkins, it was good of you to come in. I realise that you’re a busy man, but I didn’t think this matter could be discussed over the electric telephone.(笑点一:telephone本来就是电话的意思。校长故作高深,前面还加个electric,用电的,结果画蛇添足!)

Mr. Perkins: No, no absolutely Headmaster. I mean if Tommy is in some sort of trouble, I’d like to nip it in the bud.

校长:好了Mr. Perkins,很高兴你能过来。我知道你很忙,但是我觉得这件事在电话上说不很合适。

家长:是是,绝对是这样的校长。如果Tommy有什么问题我也希望能尽早解决,防患于未然。

Headmaster: Well, quite frankly, Tommy is in trouble. Recently his behaviour has left a great deal to be desired.

Mr. Perkins: Oh dear…

校长:是啊,坦率的说,Tommy确实出问题了。他最近的表现非常让人失望。

家长:哦天啊。

Headmaster: He seems to take no interest in school life, whatsoever. (笑点二:这里是wh这个音的发音方法。有时候读[w],如what,有时候读[h]如who。但是校长自以为上层人物,喜欢把音发全,就是听起来像[hw],所以可笑)He refuses to muck in on the sports field. And it’s weeks since any master has received any written work from him.

Mr. Perkins: Oh dear me!

校长:他好像对学校生活一点兴趣都没有,上体育课也不愿意参与,而且老师们已经几周都没收到他的作业了。

家长:哦我的天啊!

Headmaster: Quite frankly, Mr. Perkins. If he wasn’t dead, I’d have him expelled. (笑点三:爆笑!孩子已经死了,还说开除。而且说的轻描淡写的!观众和家长开始不敢相信自己的耳朵,然后开始意识到他在搞什么名堂。呵呵)

Mr. Perkins: .… I BEG YOUR PARDON?!

校长:坦白的跟您说,Mr. Perkins,要不是他已经死了的话,我早把他开除了。

家长:。。。。对不起,您说什么?!

Headmaster: Yes! Expelled! (笑点四:人家很震惊,是因为死而震惊。他却重申说要开除。)If I wasn’t making allowances for the fact that your son is dead, he’d be out on his ear!

Mr. Perkins: What d’you mean he’s dead?

校长:没错,开除!我要不是考虑到你儿子已经死了,早就拎着他的耳朵把他扔出去了!

家长:什么叫他已经死了?!

Headmaster: Yes… he’s lying up there in sick bay now,  stiff as a board and bright green. And this is, I fear, typical of his current attitude. (笑点五:人都死了,身体都僵硬了,而且已经发绿,他还在说人家的态度问题!)You see the boy has no sense of moderation. One moment he’s flying around like a paper-kite, and the next moment he’s completely immovable.… and beginning to smell!(把尸体发臭也当成态度问题,哈哈!)

Mr. Perkins: How did he die?

校长:是啊。他现在就躺在上边医务室,硬的跟张板子似的,浑身亮绿色。我恐怕这就是他目前恶劣态度的真实写照。这孩子一点也不懂得什么叫适可而止。一会像个风筝似的到处乱飞,过一会儿就呆在那一动不动。。。而且已经开始发臭了!

家长:他是怎么死的啊?

Headmaster: Well, is that important?

Mr. Perkins: Yes, I think so!

校长:这。。这个很重要吗?

家长:是啊,我觉得很重要!

Headmaster: Well…hm… oh.… Well it’s all to do with the library, you see. We’ve had a lot of trouble recently with boys taking out library books without library cards. Your son was caught. And I administered the beating, during which he died. (笑点六:终于说出怎么死的啦。居然是在他批示下发生的!) But you’ll be glad to know.… you’ll be glad to know that the ringleader was caught. Heh, so I don’t think we’ll be having any more trouble with library discipline. You see the library card system was.… (当爹的都快急疯了,他还在那说图书馆等不着边际的话)

Mr. Perkins: I.… I’m sorry. You.… you.… you beat my son to death?

校长:嗯。。这个。。。呃。。这个。。还不是因为图书馆的事!我们最近发现有孩子没有借书卡就从图书馆往外拿书。你儿子让我们逮到了。然后我批准了一顿暴打,打的时候他就死了。但是你应该很高兴得得知。。。。你应该很高兴地得知领头的我们已经抓到了。呵呵,所以以后图书馆那边应该不会再有违纪的问题了。你看这个借书卡系统是。。。

家长:对。。对不起。你。。。你。。。你把我儿子打死了?!

Headmaster: Yes yes, so it would seem. Please, I’m not used to being interrupted. You see the library card system was introduced.…(哈哈哈哈)

Mr. Perkins: Exactly what happened?!

校长:嗯,是啊,好像就是这么回事吧。对不起,我不是很习惯被别人打断。你看咱们这个借书卡系统开始使用的。。。

家长:到底怎么回事啊?!

Headmaster: Well apparently boys were just slipping in the library and taking the books!(打岔!)

Mr. Perkins: No, during the beating!

校长:很显然这帮小子们偷着溜进图书馆然后就往出偷书!

家长:不是!我说打他的时候!

Headmaster: Oh that.… Well well… one moment he was bending over, the next moment he was lying down… I mean uhh.…. hmmm deadish. (dead这个形容词是没有程度之分的,要不就是死了,要不就是活着。他后面加个-ish。好像说死了吧唧的似的。)Mr. Perkins, I find this morbid fascination of yours with your son’s death quite disturbing. What I’m talking about, is his attitude. And quite frankly I can see where he gets it from! (人家孩子都让他打死了,他还说人家怎么对死亡这么感兴趣。然后继续打岔。)

Mr. Perkins: Well I wouldn’t mean to beat him to death!

校长:哦这个啊。。这。。嗯。。他开始就撅着,然后不一会就躺下了。。完了。。就。。。就有点死了。Mr. Perkins, 你对你儿子之死的这种病态的兴趣让我感到非常不安。我现在跟你说的是他的态度问题。坦白的说我能看出来他都是从哪学来的!

家长:那我也不能想把他打死啊!

Headmaster: Well it was perfectly obvious to me from the first day he arrived here. I wondered then as I wonder now, if he might not’ve turned out to be a very different boy indeed if you had administered a few fatal beatings earlier! (郑重其事的讲把孩子往死里打。点题。)

Mr. Perkins: Are you mad?!!

校长:我跟你说从他第一天到这的时候我就很明显的看出来了!我一直到现在都认为,如果你早就能把他往死里打几次的话,他现在恐怕会是个完全不同的孩子吧!

家长:你疯了吗?!

Headmaster: I’m furious! (这里是利用mad的两个意思,一个是疯了,一个是愤怒。人家说他疯了,他说我是很生气!) In order to accommodate the funeral, I’ve had to cancel afternoon school on Wednesday!

Mr. Perkins: This is preposterous!

校长:我是快气疯了!为了给他的葬礼腾时间,我周三还得取消下午的课程!

家长:这简直太荒唐了!!

Headmaster: Yes, it is. Or at least it would be, if it were true.

Mr. Perkins: .…what?

校长:是啊,是很荒唐。或者如果都是真的的话,就很荒唐。

家长:什么?

Headmaster: I’ve been joking, Mr. Perkins. Pardon me it’s my strange academic sense of humour. I’ve been pulling your leg. hehh (这里是给最后的巨大包袱做铺垫,欲擒故纵。先让你觉得他在说整个一件事都是个玩笑,原因是他的怪异的学术幽默感。等你放心下来以后给你致命一击!)

Mr. Perkins: Ah… ohhhh thank  God!

校长:我跟你开玩笑呢,Mr. Perkins. 请你原谅我的这种怪异的学术幽默感。我是在逗你玩呢!

家长:啊!哦谢天谢地!!

Headmaster: I wouldn’t cancel afternoon school to bury that little shit!! (哈哈哈哈哈哈哈。。。。。。。)

校长:我才不会取消下午课去埋那个小混蛋呢!!

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